To Do List Update: 04/2011

  1. Draw an activity twice per week and post it to the blog, even though I’m terrible at drawing.
  2. Go to one art show per month. (Done! The Vacancy Project: I want to live in the bank that was featured this month. [my photo])
  3. Post one item per week to one of my Etsy shops.
  4. Meditate once per week.
  5. Buy a bicycle and the bravery (bike shops do sell bravery, right?) to ride it in the city.
  6. Get a tattoo.
  7. Paint my nails (hands or toes, or both) twice per month. (Three times this month and it’s 4/9! Black, teal, and now “espresso”)
  8. Go camping twice.
  9. Cook a real meal (breakfast, lunch or dinner) twice per week.
  10. Cook meals for others once a month. (Last month, which doesn’t count for April, I made butternut squash cashew macaroni and cheese. Fed parties were pleased!)
  11. Learn to embroider and cross stitch.
  12. Walk, rather than drive, as often as possible. Walked to lunch, a gallery, and around the block after work. Few places I can walk where I’m living now but I walk when there isn’t a highway involved!
  13. Seek out, friend input accepted, one new band I enjoy once a week. This week: Memoryhouse
  14. Purge and donate belongings that I really do not use. (Done, and still going!)
  15. Think seriously about getting a dog.
  16. Watch The Office episode of Jim & Pam’s wedding.
  17. (Edited 8/24) Back up my computer quarterly and sort through files to eliminate duplicates and unneeded junk.
  18. Save $200 per month.
  19. Put at least 1/3 of each paycheck towards credit card payments.
  20. Read one book per month.
  21. (added 8/21) Lose 15 lbs.
  22. (added 8/21) Do ten pushups each day.
  23. (added 8/21) Write one real (snail mail) letter each month.
  24. (added 8/24) Take vitamins and calcium supplement daily.
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Destroy Everything You Touch

Sometimes things going on in other peoples’ lives make me so sad. Not condescending sad, but like deaths and loss and tragedies… Things that have also happened in my life, but when they’re happening to me, I shut down and go through the motions to take care of business. But when I see other people in that position, it brings back all of the memories and makes me really upset.

As far as my life goes, right now is an excellent time to be me. Just wishing I could help other people a bit more when they’re dealing with tough situations.

I’ve started a few embroidery projects that I need to post about… they’re pretty cute! I love trying new crafts.

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mindfulness

My return to the rolling hills and blooming trees of Virginia has been far easier than expected. A fantastic job offer arose as I was considering what step to take next, and I figured, why not? Now I work for my former boss once again and run a store. I’m learning, I am in a position of power, and I have a purpose… all things that are important to me and make me feel valued. I certainly want to improve and be the best in order to make the store run smoothly and successfully!

Often I find myself drifting into other thoughts while I should be focusing. When I was in college, I needed to be very present when writing papers, but now I feel like I exist on all kinds of planes! I frequently forget things that I haven’t written down until I’m laying in bed at the end of the day and think, ‘Eff, I meant to _____!’

With the shop opening in a few days, I need to keep my head in the game more often. There are so many things to do as far as hiring employees, finalizing rules and procedures, cleaning, promotion, and the actual day-to-day nonsense! It’s amazing, but I can’t flit about from one thing to another and expect it all to come together.

This week:

. Shop opens officially. Buy balloons!

. No more coming home at 6am. Once per week, maximum, and only if there’s a really great dance party. My body needs a real schedule most of the time!

. Hair cut.

. Do more planks and core exercises to help my back.

Four things I can easily handle. April’s going to be a great month. I’m a resilient, malleable person who is more positive by the day.

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gold lion’s gonna tell me where the light is

Never again will I allow anyone to make me feel as terrible as I have. The past few weeks have been an amazing (and exhausting) experience, and I’m getting back in touch with old friends, making new friends, and generally doing whatever I want.

I really had no idea how low my opinions of myself were until I examined my actions further and realized how apologetic I was for just being myself. Now, I spend my time with a giant smile on my face, working hard, getting very little sleep, and having a pretty amazing time all day long.

I’m confused why this wasn’t my life all along, honestly. Why did I put up with any nonsense? It’s hard to keep diving headfirst into things without a fear of injury, but that has always been my goal. From now on, I’ll just retreat more quickly when I see danger signs. Sorry, fair-weather, negative, or oppressive people!

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Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

Moving sucks. I was going to write a long entry, but I think this sums it up.

Soon things will be great! Soon I won’t feel as much stress! Soon I will sleep through the night!

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The Things I Carried

Things I’ve learned recently:

1. I’m SMART. Well, my gut feelings are smart. I follow them, I succeed. I fight them, I ultimately fail. As I’m packing my life for another big move, I’ve discovered how intuitive I really am. So many things are still packed! I wasn’t completely happy “here,” in the situation, in this current state of existence, whatever you want to call it. I felt restless. I love Philadelphia, but not the way I was existing within it.

2. All friends do not have to be best friends. All best friends are not around 24/7. Peoples’ flaws are acceptable as long as I’m honest about what they are and don’t try to make someone into something I need them to be.

3. Sort of a continuation of #3, and something I’ve fought knowing for many years: People. Never. Change. Beautiful, caring and amazing people will always lift my mood and help me tirelessly. Cruel, selfish people will not.

4. I’m a bitter person sometimes. It’s something I need to work on.

5. Dating as an adult (by this I mostly mean dating out of college) is hard, but sort of fun! I think I’m doing alright, and have firm qualifications established. It’s surprising what kind of men are out there, which is good and bad. Maybe I’ll blog about my dates at some point, but it’s refreshing to know that some men are still quite romantic and not buying into this let’s-just-hang-out-and-make-out-then-you’ll-be-my-girlfriend trend. Dates, people! Dates are part of dating someone. Date-ing.

6. My cat will probably always be the best at cheering me, cuddling, and listening to me. That’s ok. Anyone who’d like a shot at competing with her will be given a fair chance.

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Un-Dating

Dear Single-For-6-Months-And-Ready-To-Date Self,

I understand that you want a solid, amazing partnership with someone who makes your toes tingle and your heart beat heavy and slow while you almost pass out because they are so wonderful. So, I anticipate that you will look back on the dates I’ve turned down (with attractive, fun guys who are probably great, to boot) and feel some varying levels of confusion and perhaps regret. I know one day you will say, “why did I/you do that?!” and I’m sorry, but right now I’m calling the shots! Relationship Self put a huge amount of energy and love into one person for a long time, and not so much into herself, so that’s pretty much where I’d like to focus. When you’re enjoying dinner alone in a restaurant or wishing the cat you’re cuddling was a date, I understand if you blame me.

Love,

Single-For-Two-Weeks Self

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